(Cranky) Letters to Famous People

Posted by on October 28, 2008 in Film, Television | 0 comments

Dear Lionsgate

Are you serious? Looking to replace Mad Men creator Matt Weiner would be like removing JJ Abrams from Lost, David Chase from The Sopranos, David Milch from NYPD Blue. I’m sure you catch my drift. Your little cable-show-that-could just won the Emmy. I think you’re insane.

Mad about the Ad Men & Peggy,

Dear Bud Selig

You have officially made me lose interest in the World Series. Don’t be so passive aggressive, and start communicating your rule changes with the fans.

No Rays of sunshine in Philly,

Dear Joaquin Phoenix

Please do not quit acting. Gladiator, schmadiator; Quills ruled. Loved you in Space Camp when you were still named Leaf.

Walking the line,

Dear CW

I can see how tempting it would be to remake Melrose Place, given the tepid ratings of the revamped 90210. But if your master plan is to lure back the nostalgic audience with guest appearances by Andrew Shue and Daphne Zuniga, I’d  reconsider the idea entirely.

I heart the other Shue,

Dear Elizabeth Hasselbeck

You are now officially my least favorite former reality TV star ever. Good luck with your c0-hosts after Obama wins.

Survive this,

Dear Zac Efron

I don’t fit your demographic and I haven’t seen any of the High School Musical movies.  You were surprisingly good in Hairspray. But you’re no Kevin Bacon. I will not see a remake of Footloose.

Kicking off my Sunday Shoes,

Dear Heroes

You’re clearly seeing far too many other people, which is disconcerting and distracting.  I feel like our relationship has changed, but I just can’t let you go.

Powerless in Northern CA,

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